At my three month checkup, the doctor intoned, “This baby is starving! You have failed as a mother!” He must have been truly outraged to say such a thing. This rather iffy entrance to this world, left me with deep potholes in my psyche that challenged me often in the years that followed. Older “Lighworkers” often come to this world with similar challenges so this is written especially for you.
Insight can often be the reward for self-healing work. One of the most profound came to me this morning. But first, a little background.
When babies are not brought into the world the way they are now, with attachment parenting and caring birth practices, the net result has often been anxiety, insecurity and lifelong issues with depression. From the 20’s to the 60’s when doctors first took over the birth process, using forceps and slaps to the bum, this happened to whole generations of children. Part of medicalisation meant scheduled feeding, leaving babies to “cry it out” and other inhumane practices advocated by gurus like Dr. Spock. Those who grew up with mothers who smoked throughout pregnancy, infancy and childhood developed an added layer of damage.
I got it all – along with a mother who was borderline anorexic and proud of the fact no one guessed she was pregnant when she was eight months. She even wore a girdle to the hospital when I was born. At least she fought against the anaesthetic. She didn’t win and only saw me twelve hours afterwards. Rather than being held securely and nursed by my mother, I was sequestered in a separated row of basinettes in the hospital nursery, occasionally held against starched uniforms for feeding by busy nurses. They couldn’t possibly attend to all the babies who cried.Can you imagine doing this today, straight out of a secure, protected, warm fetal environment?! Yep, that was the way it was done back then.
Plenty of fodder for healing.
Over the years, “inner-child work” going back to my fetal experience has healed episodes of depression and insecurity. Such early experience leads to profound feelings of worthlessness and a wish to die. Life that started as a struggle to survive continues in this pattern, set in the first 6 months of life. The only answer is deep kindness, Presence and care. Fortunately, that can be retroactive. Compassion – from the Family of Man by Edward Steichen. Photos that affected me deeply at college.
It was this inner healing process I was engaged in most of yesterday. A trigger had set off a cascade of deep pain with all its familiar default thoughts. My healing work had taught me not to grab and hold those thoughts. Instead, I curled up on the couch under blankets to keep very warm, and went inwards with kindness and loving messages – for as long as it took.
Later that night, a significant dream urged me to journal when I woke. All morning, insights took me to an unprecedented knowing resulting in a sense of self-respect, unaffected by others’ actions or words. In years past, I had unwittingly allowed my sense of worth to form from the outside – from how others chose to treat me.
My message to “Lighworkers”, who often come to this world with challenges, is this: without the levels of spiritual work long established, you would not have the inner soul strength to survive, never mind navigate devastating circumstances. This inner Light, who you essentially are, guided you through to adulthood and led you to healing those places within; led you to know you must not repeat what was done to you. The strength of your soul is enormous – enough to take you down into the hell-realms of your own psyche and bring in Light; enough to offer Light and insight to others in spite of your own wounding.
Your inner worth is unquestioned and who you ARE. This Core remains untarnished by the difficulties of your life. You chose to heal this personality because of your spiritual strength. You ARE the Light you bring and such worth is priceless.