Many of us are being thrown into unexpected tracts of misery, long hidden in our memory vaults. Someone today put it well. She said she feels compelled to seek forgiveness and purification, as though there is hardly enough time left. Deeply painful memories were surfacing from her childhood. Sometimes, like today, she finds herself in the pits of hell, while most of the time experiencing real joy and wonder. It seems a manic/depressive time. So much so that this person feels as though she is going crazy and wonders if she is unique. She isn’t. Fortunately, she uses the many tools at her disposal to handle this roller coaster ride. I had planned to stabilize her with table work – but in the end, all she needed was a witness who could meet her in her pain. With very little guidance, she brought herself through it.
It is hard to know, on your own, whether experiences these days are “normal” – or whether the screws are loosening. I. too, have had wild and “crazy” thoughts that have never entered my head before. But I know to observe, breathe and not grab hold of them; I know, too, how to self-soothe, and, I feel close enough to God (by whatever name) to hold ongoing and ordinary conversations. All this has been critical to navigate the rapids of this transition when shadows have been loosed in the world.
A variety of experience is showing up – from a feeling of compulsion to find the ultimate source of painful patterns, to wild and crazy thoughts, to a strong urge to seek redemption while forgiving everyone who has caused pain or harm. All of this is interspersed with moments or hours of almost ecstatic wonder – especially out in nature.
So don’t feel feel crazy or alone. If you feel you need help, by all means call a trusted practitioner who can meet you fully and authentically. I have many tools to offer for anyone on the mainland of Nova Scotia. I will also work at a distance but for that I need a full length photograph, your home address and to know that you have no history of mental illness, which is beyond my scope of practice.
watercolour: Susan Cornelis, Art Journals