Empaths need to take special care of themselves. Their sensitivity makes them susceptible. One important area of caution is the narcissistic personality.
A toxic combination of the empathic personality with the narcissist has become well documented of late. Empathic people are vulnerable to narcissists, while narcissists just love the listening ear and attention given freely by empaths. This is a linkage that can cause damage if the narcissist is unhealthy. For one thing, it perpetuates our own unhealthy habit of dismissing our own value and allowing that value to be ignored.
Narcissists are people who love to be the centre of attention. Because they feel special, they feel it’s their role and the world is there to admire them. Some of this can be simple self confidence and having a reasonable amount is helpful to any of us. There are, however, both healthy and unhealthy versions of this personality.
Be aware that unhealthy narcissists tend to manipulate with charm that then can flip to aggression; they rarely, if ever, apologize, instead blaming others. They cannot take responsibility because seeing themselves at fault would ruin their feeling of being special. They have little or no empathy. Of course there will be greater and lesser shadings of these traits.
On the face of it, certain things seem obvious. Feeling entitled, narcissists are charmers . They entice followers with flattery. This is very appealing to an empath who doesn’t seek recognition and therefore rarely experiences the exaggerated appreciation that comes in the “grooming” or charm phase. Narcissistic confidence is also alluring; it makes the empath feel (falsely) safe, as if we are with someone who really knows how to navigate this world. While we undervalue ourselves, we overvalue the narcissist. We are content to travel in their shadow. Until, finally, if we are lucky, the spell breaks. Only then do we realize the damage our self-betrayal has caused.
Once the spell has broken, the narcissism can be more clearly seen. Hearing a steady stream about “ME”, “MY stuff” and MY life” becomes irritating. A healing solution is to look at how we have undervalued our own contribution.
“Disordered narcissists betray three telltale signs: empathy-impairment, entitlement, and exploitation. If someone openly brags about paying others to do their bidding, they don’t view people as fellow human beings, but chess pieces. And it’s only a matter of time before you become the sacrificial pawn. Blatant manipulation isn’t a guarantee that someone has narcissistic personality disorder, the most extreme form of unhealthy narcissism–but it sure is a terrible sign.” (Dr. Craig Malkin, clinical psychologist, Harvard Medical School).
Being a chess piece needn’t be obvious. Like anything there are degrees. But when you realize you have been groomed as “special”, suddenly waking up to being one of a string, groomed in an identical way, betrayal can hit hard. The whole past relationship feels like a charade. A deep sense of grief and anger often shows up. Depending on how long the toxic connection has lasted and how extreme, the fallout can be devastating. However – it IS a first step toward recognizing our own worth. Greater health and awareness can only follow.
As with all healing, recovery is a gradual process of forgiveness and understanding ourselves and the other person. Be easy on yourself and know that you are lovable and valuable regardless of how a damaged person has treated you. We can learn to take an ounce or two of self respect from the narcissist. They can be teachers for us.
Often told you are “too sensitive”? To toughen up, to grow a “thicker skin”? I was – more often than I care to remember.
The blaming of empaths begins at an early age so we grow up thinking something is wrong with us. I’m here to tell you nothing whatsoever is wrong with you; never has been. Quite the opposite in fact – you are valuable in the extreme. The world desperately needs empathic people; kindness and care. The first person needing to recognize this is you. Because, as you have likely learned to your cost, no one will take care of you with the consideration you offer others. Rather, you will be blamed for not being “tough”.
In ascribing our world view to others, it comes as a rude shock that the world doesn’t treat us with similar consideration. Our make-up is different and requires deep self care before extending ourselves to others. No-one teaches us these things except experience that wrecks us.
Our energy fields are such that we need the kindness we offer to others; otherwise we can collapse under the strain, ending up exhausted with obscure ailments. Often damage is done long before we learn our own value and take steps accordingly.
The good news is that damage can be undone. Not only is it OK to do the following 10 things, it’s imperative for recovery and ongoing care:
We need to retreat, finding solace and rejuvenation in solitude and silence; in nature and with animals.
We need deep rest; long rest.
We need nutritious food.
We need music that soothes us, poetry that opens other dimensions.
We need creative pursuits that nourish our soul.
We need to wrap our loving arms around ourselves and recognize our own value.
We need to do this for as long as it takes.
We need to venture out at our own pace, in our own time and know our limits.
In order to do all of this, we need to leave damaging situations, set boundaries and realize that our own care is vital – certainly as important as other peoples’ discomfort or judgement. Undertaken with clear intent, the path will clear rapidly and be much easier than you anticipate. It may not be instinctive, but it can be learned.
We need to realize that the strong emotions we sometimes feel are not necessarily our own; we absorb them from others because of our sensitivity. Distinguish by asking “is this mine?”. If the feeling fades, you’ve picked it up from others and need to flush the remnants away. Go for a walk in the woods with the intent of letting the feeling go. If the feeling lingers, it is yours and simply needs your presence and understanding until it dissipates.
Realizing your own value is key to all of this. In starting these practises, you will slowly nourish the self respect and care that was your birthright. Once you do, the world will respond to your newfound inner strength. Life will become easier and the world will benefit from your gifts. A tiny mayflower hidden beneath greenery is every bit as beautiful as a showy poppy and its scent is heavenly.
MRIs are “Magnetic Resonance Imaging”. Do you know what that is? You’ve subjected yourselves to X–Rays. Do you know that CT scans have 700 x the amount of radiation of an X-Ray? And you are avoiding something perfectly safe like energy work??!
Let’s see, Hertz discovered radio waves in the late 1880s. Maxwell discovered microwaves in 1864. “By the mid-1960’s, physicists realized that their previous understanding, where all matter is composed of the fundamental protons, neutrons, and electron, was insufficient to explain the myriad new particles being discovered.” (http://www.particleadventure.org/other/history/smt.html)
D’you think it might be time to re-think your views?
Here’s why energy work is NOT woo-woo.
• Energy work is based on science – a micro level of science that you cannot see (like the particles and waves above).
• It is safe, when practised by a certified practitioner, because the levels of energy are human scale, being monitored and felt before passing into you. An experienced practitioner knows how to give you just enough to be effective and no more. As practitioners, we take serious vows to “do no harm”.
• Energy work has palpable “real” results on a physical level. Pain dissipates and disappears more often than not; bones align; bones heal in half the time; inflamed tissue calms; headaches go away. And those examples just give you a tiny taste. Energy work has palpable results on an emotional and spiritual level too. People generally feel balanced, happier, calm and energized after a session.
• Energy work is more effective in many cases than physical probing, pushing, cracking and other more aggressive techniques. Certainly sensitive individuals should always seek energy treatment before trying other forms.
• Energy work, the way I practice it at least, is long lasting. When done on the body, taking into account the emotional spectrum of experience, it can have life changing results. I’ve had people often say “my such and such disappeared after you worked on me.”
• It is more comprehensive that one type of modality alone. In one session, you experience a gentle, practical psychotherapy without having to dig through your inner compost heap; you relax with energy work; you get tissues unbound and meridians cleared.
• It is as deeply relaxing as massage, some say more so, without having to remove your clothes.
I can only speak for the work I’ve been trained to do, (which is not Reiki, Osteopathy or Network Chiropractic). My work is deep hands-on-healing, taught in several certified schools and honed over 20 years in practice.
Hardly an exhaustive list but long enough, perhaps, for you to consider changing your views. I hope so because you are missing out on feeling so much better!
Above is one of the most powerful prayers I have ever encountered. Repeated over and over, it can radically melt old animosities and deeply entrenched resentments, years old, even when people have died.
Nothing can shift unless we change our part in an interaction. “It takes two to tango” they used to say. Equally, it takes two to tangle. BUT, only one to untangle – and therein lies the beauty of this particular prayer. It is said that a Hawaiian doctor cured a whole ward of mentally ill patients over a period of two years, simply by using this prayer with each one of the patients. He repeated it over and over again, until all regained mental stability. This prayer works just as powerfully with our personal “tangles” – old angers or resentments that subtly sap our energy and clog our energy field like a dirty filter.
What does this mean for you? It means that because I use this prayer and other methods mentioned below, my connection with the Universal field gets clearer, with less “static” – just like removing corrosion from wires. The signal strengthens and that means more healing power travels through me to you. I’ve been clearing the channels now for 35 years.
Back to the Ho’oponopono prayer for a minute….”But what if I didn’t DO anything?” you say. Well, sometimes our part is darned hard to see. But I guarantee, as you say this prayer over and over again, your part will come clear to you and then you can truly be sorry. You don’t have to believe it to begin. I encouraged my daughter to use it for the man who left her with severe injuries after a highway accident. She was outraged. “But I didn’t do anything!!” she protested vehemently. “You don’t have to apologize for doing anything; you can be sorry for the whole situation that involved you both and killed him”, I said. “Fake it til you make it.” She began trying it, very reluctantly, but soon found that she meant the words and kept on saying them until her anger and resentment melted away. All her energy was then available for her healing.
In my sixtes, I have no aches or pains and feel the same way I did in my forties – or better. How is this possible? By eating extremely well and by walking most days, I keep my energy body clean. This means my body is nourished by it’s pre-cursor and template, the energy field.
Psychologically, a number of techniques I teach to clients also help. The Divine Spark (find it on my web site) is marvelous for destroying unfounded fear and other negative feeling states; Inner Child Work directs love to those places that have never received it and heals deep emotional wounding; reframing internal self-talk is empowering and strengthening. Sometimes I go for the deep relief of energy work when issues are beyond my reach. We all need help from one another from time to time. Using all these tools means I have never taken drugs or medications except for an occasional puffer for asthma. It also means that my field is cleared of debris.
It is my responsibility to keep my field clear and fresh so that I might be the best healing connector for you. No “issue” is allowed to fester or negative mood to linger. After years of this, I am starting to feel springy and light and resilient much of the time and it takes far less time to clear the muck. It’s a wonderful feeling and you are the direct beneficiary when you are treated. Your issues are healed at a deeper level and more quickly. Win-win.
So much is being written and spoken about “the Shift” – the elevation in consciousness that the earth and its people are undergoing. One book has catapulted me to new levels more than any other. Though it took me fifteen years to read it because of the resistance I had, it turns out to be one of the most profound of my life. I hope you don’t let your own prejudice, if you have any, hold you back. An interesting aside is that this book was given to my friend by Brooke Medicine Eagle, a medicine woman in Montana.
The book is “Love Without End – Jesus Speaks…” . It was the last part of the title that got to me. I’m ashamed to admit that Christian, evangelical co-opting of that name shut down my ears and eyes. Over the years, the name “Jesus” became associated with their limited (in my opinion) belief in creationism and all that goes with that. Fine for them; but not for me. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, I turned instead to other mystical traditions such as Kabbalah as well as two streams of Buddhism. This book has singlehandedly turned all that around – almost 30 years of study in other traditions. Not that I’m about to take myself to a convent but it has had a very powerful effect.
Head of Christ – Leonardo Da Vinci
The author is an artist who had a vision of Christ. He appeared, ostensibly, to have her paint His portrait (not the one shown here, which is by Leonard da Vinci). As she painted, He taught her and answered her questions. And what teachings! As a footnote, everyone’s aesthetic style is very personal. You may prefer her image to the one I chose. But if not, don’t let that stop you from reading the book.
Mis-translations of the gospel teachings from Aramaic led to confusion and inaccurate meanings that have not helped. These current teachings clear them up. I finally understand the Book of Job, for example: his life no longer seems at the whim of a cruel and oppressive god. Likewise, the Beatitudes make profound sense now. And so much more.
If you are interested in being elevated to a whole new understanding which will definitely raise your consciousness, this is the book for you. I cannot recommend it highly enough. With countless thanks to my friend Martha Hunter who gave me the book years ago.
A suicide in the community couldn’t be more sobering. Here are basic coping tools that brought me out of a very deep depression and back to thriving within a few weeks. Just in case, I saw my physician who told me to come back and see him if I needed stronger means. I did not, but that may not apply to you. Definitely make the appointment for a full panel of bloodwork, including thyroid levels, and with a Naturopathic doctor as well. I did. And do try all of these suggestions. They have no side effects and are very effective.
First of all, don’t let prejudice or skepticism stop you from doing any of this. Such attitudes will keep you depressed. If you are resistant, ask yourself why you don’t want to feel better. What are you afraid of? Is it that you feel you don’t deserve better? And love yourself daily in those vulnerable places (see below). JUST TRY IT and KEEP ON GOING WITH IT:
1)Ask for the highest help and protection, from the Universe or God or whomever your beliefs encompass, through prayer or however you do it. Help is there for us but we have to ask. In my experience, this has never failed.
2) Breathe deeply outside– at least 10 times, several times daily. If you know alternate nostril breathing, it will bring peace to your mind. Get out in nature as much as you can. Walking in the woods or by the ocean is very therapeutic.
3) Don’t take negative thoughts seriously.Say to yourself: “this is the depression talking; it is NOT true.” Once you are out of the depressed state, such thoughts won’t enter your mind. REALLY, it’s true.
4) Protect yourself by refusingto listen to news broadcasts or reading negative posts on facebook. Don’t post them either; they only spread the contagion of fear and none of us need any more of it.
5) Read into a voice recorder (most smart phones have them) the directions to doing the Divine Spark meditation, here. Use as needed. When I’ve asked the Divine Spark to dissolve fear, it has never failed. I give it to clients with cancer because it eliminates the cancer frequency of tumors all the time. It is extremely powerful.
6) Be gentle and good to yourself by doing restful thingssuch as curling up in a warm blanket, eyes shut, and extending deep kindness to yourself. Your body/mind will respond. This goes a long way towards curing depression. Two psychiatrists while I was in training told me they cured depression with love. One of them gradually took all his patients off medication (except for one type of medication for a very specific situation), giving them nurturing love instead. He practised something called “Experiencing Enough”. It worked. This does not mean, however, that you do not need “bridging medication” if you are suicidal. I took an educated risk, knowing my own tools worked for me.
7) CRITICALFOOD & SUPPLEMENTS:
a) As soon as possible, start taking B complex vitamins, and B-12 sublingual tabs. I also took St. John’s Wort, following the recommended dosage (this may not be for everyone but look into it.) Get recommended brands at a Health Food Store. Right away, order a broad spectrum probiotic from Dr. Mercola or Dr. Perlmutter, which has the basic 5 strains we all need, along with 5 others. If you can find one with all the strains locally, then get that – but I know Mercola’s are live because I make my yogourt from the capsules. If you want to know the strains, look up Dr. Perlmutter or go to my facebook page at EFFECTIVE RELIEF energy therapy and scroll til you find the post.
b) Start eating organic, plain yogourt immediately – if possible, home made. Liberté from Quebec makes it and it is available locally. If you are unused to it, start with a couple of tablespoons and work up to a cup or more daily. We need to eat fermented foods daily.
c) Buy organic coconut kefir made by the Cultured Coconut – available at health food stores in Halifax , Pete’s and Tantallon. It is excellent. Find kefir grains and make your own organic kefir. Easily done when you feel a bit better.
d) Find and eat kimchi and unpasteurized sauerkraut (Krispikraut out of Lunenburg is excellent).
e) Once you are eating all this fermented food daily, you should only need the probiotic capsules on days when you don’t eat the food. I use mine to make really good yogourt, when I forget to keep 2 tablespoons to make the next batch.
f) Eliminate sugar and gluten, maybe dairy too. Seriously. TODAY. Give it a few weeks to feel the difference.
8) Come for energy work. It is extremely effective for eliminating depression and anxiety. Not only do I do energy work but I do deep psychotherapy and re-framing as part of treatment. Get as much help as you can for yourself: from friends, your physician, your naturopath, from me. We all need help sometimes.
WISHING YOU COURAGE AND RESILIENCE AND DEEP KINDNESS.
Belonging is such a fundamental part of being on this earth. Is it something you take for granted? Is it something you’ve never imagined, instead feeling estranged or exiled? Or do you move from loneliness to a sense of attachment and back again, like a slow tide?
If we don’t medicate or take the “spiritual bypass”, dark passages can sink us into mythic caves of unexplored territory. When we finally emerge, weeks or months later, we may be able to see the spiritual teaching and the inestimable value of that journey. But while there, all we can do, is hang on and stay present, in as kind away as possible. The illusion is complete and only the barest threads of consciousness, whisper to us not to take the thoughts seriously. Easier said than done. Difficult and lonely, these journeys are challenging and evolving. Thomas Moore borrowed St. John of the Cross’ phrase “dark night of the soul” to describe such experience. I love the poetry of David Whyte for he, too, takes on dark journeys and emerges with illumination – covered in bits of earth.
Medication and the internet have cast these mythic journeys into oblivion – and we are the poorer. This culture has made us afraid of them – with some good reason. They are not to be trifled with and certainly not for everyone. When we do take them on, however, healing can occur that medication could never hope to touch.
I’ve been a “traveller” all my life, not so much from place to place – though I did a lot of that when I was younger; but more, moving on the edges of things, never staying long, alighting for a time, then taking off again. Bird sculptures adorn the walls of my house. I have always needed this fundamental freedom but what gets sacrificed is a sense of belonging – whether to a graduating class or to the neighbourhood.
Most people would far rather medicate or force feed happy thoughts than deal with one’s locked vaults of aloneness. I, too, might have given in to medication but I was caught at four a.m, naked, with no handholds. Cornered with the reality of “we are born alone and we die alone”, I finally gave in. Yup. I realized any clinging to friends or family just made me more vulnerable. I finally stopped. Being alone was the last stop. Utterly. Feeling it with every pore.
Lighting by Anna Efatova
Often, if we slay dragons, the reward is alchemy. Mine was this: within seconds of being completely fine with my fundamental aloneness, the illusion of walls melted like lingering April ice ; my chest opened: I could breathe easily and I was left with my fundamental connectedness with everything and everyone. I just lay there and breathed, contemplating miracles.
The crux had been embraced. Kindness to self becomes kindness to all, just as pushing away a fundamental part of me, meant pushing others away (as introverts do), creating a false sense of isolation.
All kindness is one kindness and we are all embraced by it.
Dedicated to David Whyte, for being a soul journeyer and inspiration. You give me courage. And to my heart-sister friends many of whom know and can speak of these same journeys. The richness of our friendship nourishes my life.
And, as always, please share this as you never know who might need to read these words.
At my three month checkup, the doctor intoned, “This baby is starving! You have failed as a mother!” He must have been truly outraged to say such a thing. This rather iffy entrance to this world, left me with deep potholes in my psyche that challenged me often in the years that followed. Older “Lighworkers” often come to this world with similar challenges so this is written especially for you.
Insight can often be the reward for self-healing work. One of the most profound came to me this morning. But first, a little background.
When babies are not brought into the world the way they are now, with attachment parenting and caring birth practices, the net result has often been anxiety, insecurity and lifelong issues with depression. From the 20’s to the 60’s when doctors first took over the birth process, using forceps and slaps to the bum, this happened to whole generations of children. Part of medicalisation meant scheduled feeding, leaving babies to “cry it out” and other inhumane practices advocated by gurus like Dr. Spock. Those who grew up with mothers who smoked throughout pregnancy, infancy and childhood developed an added layer of damage.
I got it all – along with a mother who was borderline anorexic and proud of the fact no one guessed she was pregnant when she was eight months. She even wore a girdle to the hospital when I was born. At least she fought against the anaesthetic. She didn’t win and only saw me twelve hours afterwards. Rather than being held securely and nursed by my mother, I was sequestered in a separated row of basinettes in the hospital nursery, occasionally held against starched uniforms for feeding by busy nurses. They couldn’t possibly attend to all the babies who cried.Can you imagine doing this today, straight out of a secure, protected, warm fetal environment?! Yep, that was the way itwas done back then.
Plenty of fodder for healing.
Over the years, “inner-child work” going back to my fetal experience has healed episodes of depression and insecurity. Such early experience leads to profound feelings of worthlessness and a wish to die. Life that started as a struggle to survive continues in this pattern, set in the first 6 months of life. The only answer is deep kindness, Presence and care. Fortunately, that can be retroactive.Compassion – from the Family of Man by Edward Steichen. Photos that affected me deeply at college.
It was this inner healing process I was engaged in most of yesterday. A trigger had set off a cascade of deep pain with all its familiar default thoughts. My healing work had taught me not to grab and hold those thoughts. Instead, I curled up on the couch under blankets to keep very warm, and went inwards with kindness and loving messages – for as long as it took.
Later that night, a significant dream urged me to journal when I woke. All morning, insights took me to an unprecedented knowing resulting in a sense of self-respect, unaffected by others’ actions or words. In years past, I had unwittingly allowed my sense of worth to form from the outside – from how others chose to treat me.
My message to “Lighworkers”, who often come to this world with challenges, is this: without the levels of spiritual work long established, you would not have the inner soul strength to survive, never mind navigate devastating circumstances. This inner Light, who you essentially are, guided you through to adulthood and led you to healing those places within; led you to know you must not repeat what was done to you. The strength of your soul is enormous – enough to take you down into the hell-realms of your own psyche and bring in Light; enough to offer Light and insight to others in spite of your own wounding.
Your inner worth is unquestioned and who you ARE. This Core remains untarnished by the difficulties of your life. You chose to heal this personality because of your spiritual strength. You ARE the Light you bring and such worth is priceless.
Being head of the National Gallery in Ottawa was what my parents envisioned for me. Something dramatic had to change such rigorous expectations. A woman from an intellectual, professional family where success is presumed, is brought up with such strictures around what is expected that she does not naturally gravitate outside peoples’ comfort zones! Although my parents are long gone, the family still does not mention what I do. There was a high price to pay. I had to be utterly convinced in my bones that this was why I came to the planet and the story may interest you.
Fortunately, my mother had primed me for mystical experience by telling me of her own but I didn’t give it much thought beyond “interesting”. That was until, sitting in a bathtub in Paris, I had my own. Alone in the apartment where I was working “au pair” to learn French, the bathroom suddenly filled with an effulgence of light so strong I could barely make out the sink across the small room. A feeling of Love beyond anything I’d ever experienced overcame me. I remember actually pinching myself as tears were running down my face. I could make out two beings of light next to the tub; they were tall and where their heads would have been was a bright ball of light. My only context at that time was Christ – so that is how I described it to the few people I trusted to tell. Even so, I was not “religious” but it made me more spiritually oriented. No messages were given ; the Presence was enough. I never forgot it but neither did I do anything about it.
Twelve years later I was reading in bed. I was, by then, a young mother, who took yoga and was reading about yogic levels of reality. Without warning, suddenly I changed into a column of light – like a laser beam. All sense of a physical body was gone leaving only Light, and overpowering Love. Tears of joy poured down my face, unthinkable to stop; I was in another realm entirely. It seemed to last for a minute or so before I gradually came back to “myself”. I was completely awestruck by this experience. Nothing I had ever read prepared me for such a thing and I began a search for people who understood about “white Light”.
The experience ended my marriage because my husband did not understand and had only disparaging words to offer. Suppressed issues surfaced, leading eventually to divorce. The upheaval that ended my conventional life was a very confusing, emotional time for many. Worlds shifted. Birthing of the new can be dramatic and painful for those caught in the wake: my husband, my son, my parents, some relatives and friends were all caught in this tidal wave of change. Amidst the grieving for all that was lost, I met a group of people who had some understanding of “white light” and my own personal healing journey began. Within ten years, I had taken a course in Gestalt, done Jungian dream work and begun healing training in New York with Barbara Brennan.
Another surprise came when Barbara Brennan called for volunteers to do an exercise in front of the class. I did what she instructed and didn’t think much more about it until she asked me afterwards if I had done any healing training. “No”, I said. She was amazed and that gave me some new clues.
Although I was already on the “Path”, another shift was in store. After graduating from the first healing training, at age 52, I was standing doing yoga in my living room when another, new wave of Light literally brought me to my knees. This lasted for about half an hour. Again, I was overcome with Love, impossible to describe, that brought tears of joy coursing down my cheeks. After it faded, I managed to book myself into the Kabbalistic Healing training workshop on Ecstacy that I knew was taking place in Boston. This led to my training in Integrated Kabbalistic Healing, a three year course in New Jersey.
Things have been quiet since. I know without a doubt I am doing what I came to do – a vocation, hardly a “job”. Sacred Light that encompasses all religion is part of my world now so it doesn’t need to dissolve human plans and constructs. I listen carefully to “leadings” as Quakers call Guidance, so that I know I’m on the right track. It has never led me astray.
One very powerful thing I teach people is how to contact and expand the Divine Spark each of us has in our Core. Being Divine, it convinces anyone of the power of Light and heals a myriad of ills.
One thing that is important in my work is bridging worlds. When I meet people, they see a conventional, very “un-flakey” professional woman. In my treatment room you will see very few New Age things. I want clients to feel comfortable and reassured of solid, reliable help. An intake form reassures them further that they are in safe, well-grounded hands.
The safer people feel, the greater will be their healing. Offering this opportunity is why I am here and it took some extraordinary events and a good deal of upheaval to make that happen.
Life lesson #1589…Pick a number: I got one today. Enlightening in the end, upsetting in the beginning.
So, here’s what I’m figuring out. First the back story. Some of us are changing our vibratory rate – bringing it up a notch. That means everything in our lives has to move towards happiness 🙂 For those of us switching up, working at not judging or stopping judging as soon as we can, leaving behind sad, mad, icky thoughts for a brighter interpretation and generally not hanging out in the paranoid, controlled, dog-eat-dog universe, is a requirement.
Today I got a little test: a visitation from someone in that older universe (the one inhabited by Republicans and Mr. Harper and other neanderthals. Oops, see? still have a way to go). I was sucked in for the better part of the day, asking useless questions such as “why is he so mean? what have I ever done to him? and other whiny thoughts. Then my niece, who was born with a higher vibratory chip in her psyche, said : “Ignore it! Don’t take it seriously!!”
Oh. It’s that easy? Permission to ignore. What a concept!
I had this revelation the other day that we are all picking our delusions and living within them. We are all little universes, really, where everyone in a particular universe behaves within a certain range of the believer’s world view. Happy to say my outward world is improving immensely. But today was a powerful reminder about what to do when a caller arrives who has no “chip” in his psyche and no intention of knowing about such things.
Ignore any of their miserable remarks!! simple. easy. clean – and presto-chango – you are back in your own universe, having fun. Someone posted a hilarious video that spoke to the situation and had me cracking up. Ah yes, it does get easier with practise.
the raising of the neanderthal ~ a journey of letting go and lightening up!
In her email, my friend named it “the narcissism of grandmothers”. No one talks about this source of real pain. For whatever reason, the joy of becoming a grandmother often seems to overtake our capacity for compassion.
My friend spoke of another friend, who had lost two daughters in a terrible accident in the early 80s. The remaining sister was so devastated that she was unable to sustain a relationship until after her childbearing years. The mother’s grief remains incapacitating at times and was especially acute when a group of “friends”, as they became grandmothers, started chattering about their grandchildren, completely oblivious. One grandmother would pull out the latest shots of grandchildren, followed by the others. Although my friend alerted the group to how painful this was, they would forget and do it again. The stricken mother finally left the group. The pain was just too much.
As grandmothers surely we know pain! By now, we know that we carry our children’s pain on top of our own and have developed some compassion, or at least awareness. Let us remember the women who have lost daughters or have daughters who will never conceive. Let’s let the joy of our grandchildren be sufficient unto itself, remembering that spreading our joy can rip the scab off deep wounds. I learned a lesson today that I hope to remember.
We are grandmothers: I call on us all to be gentle; to be considerate; to enlarge our capacity to hold one another through all phases and circumstances of life.
Easter. The Karmapa’s tour of the USA. All stimulus to thoughts on the endless play of good and evil and the challenge we have constantly to choose the good. Even within the hallowed ranks of Buddhism, the dark twist lurks, ever urging.
The process all starts with our own thoughts and what we allow to take over. I find the lurking dark can smarm it’s way to my being in the most mundane of circumstances. Snowplow drivers were my constant challenge this winter. As I heaved and re-heaved ice chunks and heavy snow, the dark was ever so willing to help. Visions of collecting dog poop in the spring melt and delivering my own vengeful deposit came to mind. I tried valiantly to turn my thoughts to gratitude and often grudgingly succeeded – but sometimes I just couldn’t do it; discouragement took over. It takes energy to be grateful.
All the same, catching my thoughts and immediately turning them – or at least stopping the bad ones – has become a constant practise over the years, mainly because it makes me happier and doesn’t create bad karma. When I turn the thoughts around, nothing can take root and begin to grow except thankfulness. Presto change-o: resurrection!
We create a rich compost with our thoughts and within that, whole forests of belief can develop, which we then reinforce by talking with like minded people, reading, watching videos etc. Before long, we have created an environment, a stance, something to defend. Just like the Sanhedrin did with Christ: someone mumbled one day about “that troublemaker…” and many thoughts began to build towards the cross. Eventually it happened. Very bad karma.
So, nip ’em in the bud, I say. Life is just a lot more fun that way…bunnies, eggs, sun and flowers; kind and compassionate people, versus a war between piles of wet, heavy snow and dog poop smearing, bound to crucify no one but me.
My better nature is all for lightening everybody’s load. Happy Easter!
What creates or destroys the sense of belonging? Brené Brown sees this sense as our most fundamental need and value. (A tip: start the video at about minute 3:10 to skip to the heart of the message.) This powerful talk leads me into the heart of how I see clients turn from struggle to thriving.
In my practice, wounds reveal the damage Brown speaks about. During the course of treatment, nurturing a sense of belonging is a basic step to healing self-worth. Another key element Brown speaks about is the importance of being “authentic”. The two go hand in hand.
Being authentic, or “real”, without pretence, offers the possibility of connection, a place where worthiness can grow. It is trustworthy, believable, secure. Tender new growth needs these qualities. That connection then fosters a sense of belonging. Together, my clients and I anchor these roots and nurture them into thriving and worthiness.
In the following two videos by Tara Brach, you will find a strong sense of authenticity. You’ll pick up her realness. She gives helpful steps to finding your own sense of worthiness and ways to work with judgmental thoughts.
Most important for a therapist , these videos also reveal her kindness. To be a safe container for the vulnerability of shame and fear takes steady, reliable kindness. To hold this space for you, is both my pledge and my honour.
Adding my treatments to Tara Brach’s practises, you can turn around your inner struggles in about half the time and lessen your chances of falling back. It’s a good insurance policy.
If you have any questions or reactions to these videos, please write them in the comment section. I’d love to hear from you and will get back to you soon.
Oh – and please share this with friends – you never know who might be needing this right now. It was because a friend shared Tara Brach’s videos that I was able to share them with you. 🙂
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